Monday, 23 May 2011

Reasons why I shouldn't go to the BAFTAs

1. I'm incredibly easily starstruck. I'd be as bad as Jane, if not worse. I'd be all like, 'Oh look there's that guy that was in that thing that I REALLY enjoyed. What? Go and tell him that? NO NEVER EVER NEVER HE'S FAMOUS! What? I'm Famous too? I suppose I must be if I'm at the BAFTAs... OMFG IT'S HUGH FEARNLEY-WHITTINGSTALL'

2.I'm a telly snob. That bloody TWOIE won a BAFTA at ALL makes me cross, that it beat Doctor Who, Sherlock and Miranda makes it even worse in my eyes. I like my telly to be GOOD thank you very much, but generally disliking that kind of programme, does make me a snob to some people. Fuck it, I don't care, but I'd be looking down my nose at them, and then the camera would cut to me, like it did with Martin Freeman looking displeased yesterday.

3. I would cheer FAR TOO LONG when my favourite programmes won things.

4. If I guess who wins correctly, I get very smug about it. I spent all yesterday evening going 'I TOLD you that TOWIE would beat everyone else, because the public vote would split between the others because they all have the same audience, that or they wouldn't vote, and all the idiots would vote for that crap. What do you mean I'm a snob?'

5. Speeches. I'm not good at Speeches. If I won, I'd just... mumble, quote about a million different things all written by people IN THE ROOM and then come across as more of a massive tit than usual. That or I'd be all 'I didn't deserve this. I never ever did. Let's be honest, I just really like telly, and so I was like ''Let's make telly as a job, that'll be good'' and here I am with a big face... and a BAFTA... ha ha ha.... No? Is this thing on?' I'd be the person that you get a cup of tea while they're talking. That, or I'd be relegated to the 'Announced Earlier' section.

6. I like to cross off the TV I've seen when it's nominated. That'd probably get annoying if you're famous and sitting with me.

7. My hair.

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